Day 171

This whole eating on a regular basis thing is proving far more difficult than anticipated. It always ends up being because this is not my house. Therefore it is not my kitchen, nor my fridge, ergo; not my food. I don't know what I'm allowed to eat. Yes, I'm sure I could just eat food and I wouldn't get in serious trouble. However, since it's not my kitchen I'm not comfortable cooking in it. That's purely my own personal problem and all subconscious. In theory I could work through my issues with that and just do it anyway. And I do, sometimes. There have been several occasions where I've gone ahead and cooked for myself while other people are home. But it's SO much work talking myself into that, I don't want to do it all the time. Quite often I'll actually muster up the "courage" to go find something to eat, and everything I find available requires cooking or preparing of some sort. It would call for me taking up space and using several cooking items/utensils and then there's the fact that people are curious when cooking is happening because everyone else in this house likes to cook and/or is good at it. It's not that I don't like to cook either. It's that I was told that I'm not good at it, paired with the fact that I'm uncomfortable in this space. I don't want to be judged.
So; I had purchased myself a box of cereal. Only the fiance ate it because he wasn't feeling well and he could eat it by the handfuls. I have considered buying my own groceries, or simply just fruits and vegetables, but then again; I'd have no place to put them. There's the option that I did utilize when living at my aunts house, which was; Go shopping each day. I'd walk up to KwikTrip each morning and buy what I need for the day. Granted; I wasn't the healthiest eater, but I did eat at least Breakfast and Lunch, and I always enjoyed my food, had just enough, and ate my fruit. The issue with doing that here, is that the grocery store is about an hours walk from here, maybe a little bit less. either way, I'd be gone for about 2 hours. And there's no telling who'll be home and doing what when I return. Meaning; I could go when the kitchen's not being used and come back to it being occupied, making my trip moot because I'll not be able to use the kitchen upon my return. There's also the running stickler of me not having money. I do not have a job. Yes, I have looked. No, no one wants to hire me. Yes, I understand I should keep trying. However, without a car or reliable transportation, my options are limited and I can only be ignored by CVS so many times.
On top of my terrible eating routine habit, I'm also not sleeping well. Some days I stay up far too late because I need to let Puese rest and get enough sleep for work, and If I'm in there tossing about because I can't sleep before he falls to sleep, I keep him up. But there are other days that I simply can not fall asleep for hours on end. Last night I even took Nyquil and it still took me well over an hour to fall asleep. The night before that I laid awake for a good 3 hours. I don't know exactly how much longer into the third hour it was that I finally fell asleep, but it felt like forever.
This poor eating and sleeping habits thing is definitely not good for my health. I wonder if there's something actually wrong with me. Or maybe it's just I'm a product of my environment.