Day 45

I just realized that I'm really slackin' on this whole blog thing. I guess I'm really stressed out with coming up with the funds to do all the things that need to happen next month. I HAVE to sell my car, and it hasn't come close to selling yet. I kinda feel like there's no hope. But I can't let myself think that way. There is hope, and I've been so focused on trying to keep everyone's hopes afloat in this regard that I've been neglecting my other "responsibilities." The last time I actually exercised was when I went swimming and tread water for half an hour on day 41. Otherwise the only things close to exercise I've done since then are take long walks with my emotional self on Day 43 and 44. I also walk when I'm on the phone and I don't have to be on the computer at the same time. I'm proving to myself that I'm the only one to hold me accountable, and If I'm not focused on it; then it won't happen. Which I'm not focused on it. I did think about it for a long while yesterday, and today (which is why I remembered I haven't written for a while). But the construction is continuing this week on the bathroom. On a brighter note: we have been eating "healthier" meaning we've made sure to eat veggies with every meal (with the exception of our meal of pizza on Sunday which ended up to be a fiasco of a Brewed Gaming day.) I haven't lost any weight or inches. And I'm now at that place where I'm unmotivated to motivate myself. I did something stupid the other day and watched the commercials for exercise programs at the end of each Turbo Fire workout. They all "Guarantee" and say you'll lose so many inches or so many dress sizes or so much weight or you'll see results in such and such amount of time. And I know that those claims do NOT include me or my metabolism. No matter how much I stick to a plan I don't see results, I don't lose anything, and my stamina only decreases in that amount of time, plus some. So I got a little depressed. That's probably what's contributing to my lack of "Just frickin' do it" Attitude. My "logical" thinking side, with it's facts and figures has drowned out all positive reinforcement and thinking. Plus; I'm drained. I put forth far too much effort and enthusiasm to be someone else's cheerleader and the payoff was to be shut out, talk about shooting me off my horse. I've now been trampled under hoof and can't bring myself to want to try right now.
Yes, these are all excuses, and No, I don't think anyone's going to read this whole entry of rambling nonsense. But my fingers typed it. Now I'm going to press on.